The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
