The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
