Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
