her facebook's as public as her vagina
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
