I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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