is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
