God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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