I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
