hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
nutella sex= disaster
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
