how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
