I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
this will be a night to untag.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
