We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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