I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
