well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
