Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
