Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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