her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
