I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
