i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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