guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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