my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
