if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
