Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
