My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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