i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
