my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
