Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
