I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
