I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
