Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
