My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
