Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we're making bets on your personal life
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
