just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
