I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
