i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
