OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
