So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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