guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
