Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
