You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I would fuck him just for his dog
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
