Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
