VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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