I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
