Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
