He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
