My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
