Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
