Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
