i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
