You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
