The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
