Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
